The Homeless Dynamic of Relationships

Original Post Date: April 22, 2006

Today I was driving up Cedar Canyon, enjoying the view, when I saw two people walking about 15 feet from the highway on a dirt trail. One was a brown-haired, tall, lanky, dirty, unshaven male, probably about my age. The other was a blonde, short, none-too-clean female that was probably slightly younger by a year or two. Neither was very attractive to look at. As I passed, the thought occured to me, "Ah, man. Poor transients. At least Homeless Ugly Guy and Homeless Ugly Girl have each other."

I admit, it wasn't the most Christian thing to think, but I'm not going to put up a front now and pretend I'm a saint (most of you would just laugh anyway). I started thinking, though. I thought about their relationship dynamic. I thought about how they probably consider themselves lucky to have met each other and to have each other. They've probably been through a lot of bad times together. Sleeping in each others' arms at night is probably not just emotional, its a necessity on some nights around here.

I suddenly realized I was jealous.

That's right. I was jealous of Homeless Ugly Guy and Homeless Ugly Girl and their relationship dynamic, because I realized that they probably won't ever leave each other. They share everything. They spend a lot of time just talking. When you're homeless and apparently jobless, there's not much else to do.

There is definitely something to be said about the nature of the human spirit. For some reason, things do not become important to us and we don't seem to bond until we've been tested. For example, if you haven't eaten all day, food that you normally wouldn't touch becomes pretty dang good. Last summer I bought some pickle-flavored chips while on lunch break. They were gross. A homeless guy happened to approach me in the park, and I gave them to him. I had a hard time watching him stuff them in his mouth hungrily, but to him I'm sure they were great. I would have given him something better, but it was all I had left. They really were disgusting, but when he told me to just throw anything I didn't eat next to the trash can so he didn't have to dig for it, I knew it would be appreciated.

Tested, stressed, and stretched, yet unbreakable. I named it "The Homeless Dynamic," and I want my next serious relationship to be like that. No, I'm not suggesting that we should all quit our jobs and wander the land with our significant others like a bunch of hippies. I'm just saying that I don't want the relationship to be taken for granted by either of us. I don't want it to be a mere convenience. I want to share everything equally. I want to be tested and come through stronger for it. My last serious relationship was tested severely. Cracks formed from the inside. At first, things seemed fine still because we had a great facade, but eventually the cracks broke through and everything fell apart. Before I make a serious commitment again, I want the relationship tested. If things come out okay, then you know you're on to something.

I want a relationship where we stick together as if our survival depended on it.

Who knows? Someday it might.